I can’t remember how long it’s been since I last sat down to write. I also can’t tell you how many times I’ve re-designed or made endless tweaks to my website (hint: a lot). I did that again just now. My Neighborhood Vegan Facebook and Instagram accounts have been languishing for months on end. I’ve never been too keen on Twitter, although I should probably rethink it and try to give it another go. The general toxicity of social media doesn’t help much.
It’s not that I haven’t had ideas. I’ve had lots of them, all swirling around in my head but not making it out. I could say it’s that I can’t find the time. But it’s not that. I could say I’m a procrastinator. I am, but it’s not that either. Well, there might be some of that. I could come up with excuse after excuse if I tried. It wouldn’t really be any of them.
It’s fear. Fear born from a mixture of anxiety and depression. See, I’m estranged from my birth family. I have this thing stuck in my head that if I’m not good enough for them, then I’m simply not good enough. I’m afraid of failing to the point of being frozen in place. I’m full of self-doubt. And lots of self-pity if I’m honest. One false start after another.
And now there’s a world-wide pandemic. COVID-19 has changed all of our lives. Nothing like being at home 24/7 and wondering what the hell to do with your time. If there was ever a time for me to focus on oneself, I suppose this is it. Like it or not. Nothing like the present to get out of this rut I’ve dug myself into.
What does this all have to do with veganism? It’s all different parts of who I am. I’m neither a perfect person nor a perfect vegan. But I am a passionate vegan. I often surprise myself in conversations with how much I actually know. I’ve even influenced at least 3 people (friend/coworker mix) to go vegan!
Time to start over. Again. But no more false starts. Time to find my voice and let go of my fears. Time to revel in activism and creativity.
For the animals.
For the planet.
For the future.